Project:
Intro to Wine: A Humorous Guide for Waitstaff
Varietals: A Fancy Name for “Kinds of Grapes”
Reds are served at room temperature, which heightens their aromas and complexities. Like you, without a shower.
Whites are served chilled, which brings their freshness forward. Like you, in the nip of winter.
No one varietal is better than any other. They’re just different. It’s about personal taste.
Take a look at the list of celebrities. You’d have sex with any of them, right? But each for a different reason. Wine is like that.
Reds: Bold and Beautiful
Varietal |
What It’s Like |
Who It’s Like |
Cabernet Sauvignon |
Big, bold, and dapper |
George Clooney |
Malbec |
Ripe, plummy, complex, and French (also Argentine, but whatever) |
Juliette Binoche |
Merlot |
Lush, beloved, and easy on the palate |
Jennifer Lopez |
Pinot Noir |
Fruity, congenial, elegant, and young |
Reese Witherspoon |
Syrah/Shiraz |
Acidic and peppery, with dark berry notes |
Jon Stewart |
Zinfandel |
Jazzy, spicy, and exciting |
Catherine Zeta-Jones |
Whites: Fresh and Flirty
Varietal |
What It’s Like |
Who It’s Like |
Chardonnay |
Buttery, creamy, smoky, and sophisticated |
Scarlett Johansson |
Gewürztraminer |
Sweet,refreshing, summery, and lively |
Owen Wilson |
Pinot Grigio |
Easy and companionable with a touch of spice |
Ellen Degeneres |
Sauvignon Blanc |
Fruity, sunny, and fresh |
Will Ferrell |
Viognier |
Husky-throated, curvaceous, and seductive |
Jessica Alba |
Rosé
Varietal |
What It’s Like |
Who It’s Like |
White Zinfandel |
Breezy, sweet, and really, really trashy |
Britney Spears |